Flamingo Wars:
I: Origins
»II: L Elliott & Flamingos
III: Dispute Intensifies
IV: Lawless Period
V: What's Next?
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"Mountains" Front Door
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Part II: Lake Elliott & the Arrival of the Flamingos
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Dan liked his land raw. The water that collected in low spots of the 100-year-old mining road running along the ridge bothered him not at all, even though it made 2WD traffic problematic during mid-winter "Chinook" snow melts and again during summer "monsoon" rains.
"USFS" Proposed Bridge. Sanders named the worst depression "Lake Elliott" and determined to drain it. When that met with Dan's resistance, he posted a spurious but realistic-looking "Public Notice" ostensibly signed by the local USFS district ranger. The notice announced a meeting to consider a bridge over the narrowest portion of the "lake" and recommended alternate routes until construction was completed. (What alternate route might be feasible on the 40º slope was not specified.)
"Colorado Div. Wildlife" Protest. Dan saw his lifestyle threatened. Borealis toads had been reported a few miles west, so he sent Bowman and Sanders a letter purporting to be from the Colorado Division of Wildlife prohibiting the construction of the bridge pending the completion of a full Environmental Impact Statement. A lawn sprinkler in the shape of a frog was left behind in support of the thesis.
The Flamingos Arrive. During this bureaucratic exchange, Bowman purchased and mounted on the land two of the gaudy pink flamingos that families with little taste put on their front lawns. Dan's wife, Pat, added six others. This made something of a flock, so Pat posted a "Flamingo Crossing" warning sign on one of the trees.
The flock, running loose before the great disaster
"EPA" Intervention. His wife's joke gave Sanders an idea. He sent Dan a letter from the "EPA" (copy "CDW") informing him that the flamingos had survived the winter and bred. He added two baby flamingos to the flock as proof, and rearranged the flamingos so that the larger birds were on one side of the water hazard and the babies on the other. The "EPA" announced that the water was hindering migration and speculated that since they bred over a 9,000-foot Colorado winter, they might be a new species, tentatively called the Great Northern Whooping Flamingo. Court decisions (such as Marbury vs Madison, et al.) were cited establishing US priority in federal-state disputes: the destruction of Lake Elliott to save the Flamingos outranked its preservation to save the toads. Next » |
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